Friends For The Journey

Men also often tend to be “problem solvers,” whereas women like to “share the moment.” Now, I don’t know if this is something genetic, or something cultural. Probably a little of both, but ask yourself if it tends to be true in your experience. It may have something to do with a ‘task orientation’ versus a ‘relational orientation’.

A woman may walk into a room and say, “I don’t like the color of these walls, it is too dark.” The typical man’s response is; “Ok, I’ll paint a new color next week.” He is then puzzled by his wife’s unhappy response. He thought he fixed the problem. She didn’t want him to fix the problem! She wanted him to “share the moment”. She wanted him to walk over to her, put his arm around her and say; “you know, I think you are right, it is too dark. What do you think we should do about it?” She wanted to share the process of problem solving – to join together to find the solution. He wanted to take the simplest and most effective route to fixing the problem quickly so he could go back to conquering his world (or watching football).

It is possible that most of these differences in communication come from God’s intent in the creation of Adam and Eves’ roles. God created Adam to subdue the earth and fix problems in the garden. He was given a task. He didn’t need to be highly verbal to accomplish his task. He did need analyze problems, diagnose them and fix them. God created Eve to be Adam’s “helpmeet.” Eve’s task was much more complex and relational. She needed to be able to communicate with Adam in order to know how to best assist him. She needed to complement him and be able to view the task in more global and relational terms.

These roles are not cast in concrete. This is not to say that Eve does not have a task, and Adam is not relational. Nor is it to say that Adam should not be Eve’s helper. I spent two years helping Debbie finish her degree by taking over the domestic chores in our home. There is mutuality in the relationship between Adam and Eve. Mutual serving and mutual respect (Eph. 5:21).

All of this brings us helps us to understand why it is not unusual for men and women to have some difficulty communicating. I saw a cartoon once that graphically illustrated this. The wife tells her husband, “Honey, you can drive my car to work today if you want to.” The husband looks at her thoughtfully for a moment and then goes into the next room and picks up a book. The book is a “Male and Female dictionary.” He looks up the female phrase, “You can drive my call today.” The dictionary tells him that in male talk it means, “Would you please put gas in my car?” He successfully interprets what his wife is really saying and is able to express loving care and affection for her by putting gas in her car!

It would be wonderful if we could go to Barnes and Noble and buy a “Male and Female” dictionary. However, we can develop our own dictionary as a married couple if we make the effort to communicate effectively.