Guidelines for effective communication (part 5) · Jun 7, 08:31 AM

Years ago when Deb and I first moved to Miami, we were moving in different paths, gradually orbiting away from one another. Our friend Paul Petrie visited us and saw the problem. He gently confronted us with the need to begin to meet weekly to communicate and resolve our conflicts. Here are some guidelines he suggested.

(this is Part 5 of the communication section from the manual on “Lasting Relationships” It is also posted on myspace. At the bottom are some questions to consider).

Guidelines for effective communication: – Make daily and weekly communication a priority. It is not optional.

- Deal with unresolved issues. Make a list and keep the list current. Each week try to work through to effective resolution of one issue.

- Tackle the easier issues first.

- Both Husband and wife should learn good listening skills. (James 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.)

– Be honest! Speak the truth in love. Don’t let fear of conflict keep you from dealing with issues.

Questions:
How often do you communicate in your relationship?

Do you plan times of communication or do you wait until there is a conflict?

Do you resolve your conflicts or do you allow them to go unresolved and to accumulate?

When you do plans times with the one you love, is it a date to have fun? or do you also plan time for communication and conflict resolution?

HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: How good are you as a litener? Would your partner agree with you about your listening skills?

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Comment

  1. I have to say that Carlos and I had a similar moment about 4 years ago. We were both becoming passive about our relationship and letting unresolved conflict build up. Jimmy and Jess had us over one night and (not so gentley – I say this with a wink and big smile) confronted us. We met with them about three times and they helped us start communicating about stuff that we had been fighting about our whole marriage.

    The other “Big Break” in our communication was when we read the book “Venus and Mars Together Forever”. (Not to be mistaken with “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”) Because of this book, we had a HUGE breaktrhough in our communication and over time were able to resolve many of the issues that we had been having since we got married.

    Last of all, we do not do very well at scheduling weekly times to communicate – mainly because of changing schedules and stuff. But Carlos usually makes it a point to sit down with me and talk after the kids are alseep about once a week. Now that Carlos and I have learned to communicate productivly (thank you Mars and Venus) we have truley become best friends!!!! It’s wonderful!!!!

    — Sarah · Jun 7, 12:19 PM · #

  2. cool beans! I think this is probably the most strategically important area for young couples. I have seen a lot of divorces that could have been prevented if better communication had been implemented early in the relationship.

    — joseph · Jun 7, 01:22 PM · #

  3. here’s my comment for the week! i think we may have to invest in the book sarah is talking about, it sounds interesting. communicating is definetly a purposeful activity for us. with our job schedules it is very easy for us to go weeks without really talking. we still need to make time for conflict resolution and making that list your talking about. we talk here and there, but have not been deliberate about it.

    — Amanda · Jun 12, 06:52 PM · #

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