Friends For The Journey

Effective communication becomes especially important during times of conflict. When we are in a conflict, we tend to become defensive. Anger and hurt make it more difficult to be vulnerable and listen with an open heart to the other person. We may tend to justify ourselves or try to blame the other person.

Every healthy marriage is going to have its share of conflict. Conflict is not bad — it can be an opportunity for growth. Each time we successfully resolve a conflict, our marriage bond will grow stronger and our trust in our partner will grow deeper. Many marriages have been slowly damaged over many years because the couple was afraid of conflict and chose to avoid dealing with important issues rather than risk confrontation. It is always better to face conflict when the issues arise rather than allow them to accumulate over many years. Conflicts that are easily resolved today may become impassable barriers in 5 or 6 years. When we have a conflict with our spouse, it is important to realize that the issue is the problem, not the other person. It is tempting to think that the other person is the problem and if we can just “fix” him or her, everything will be alright.

The top five causes of conflict in marriage:
1. Sex.
2. Finances.
3. Child Discipline
4. Extended family (in-laws)
5. Socially embarrassing behavior.

Questions:

How often do you and your partner have conflict?

Who usually initiates the communications?

Are you normally able to resolve the conflict?

What do you most often have conflict about?