Friends For The Journey

One of my favorite movies of all times is The Straight Story (1999), directed by David Lynch and starring Richard Farnsworth and Sissy Spacek.
It is an unusual film, very reflective and slow-paced with little action and lots of breath-taking shots of the Iowa cornfields in the fall with hauntingly beautiful music.

It is the true story of Alvin Straight, an elderly man with problems with his legs and eyes due to diabetes. Straight finds out that his estranged younger brother, Lyle, has had a stroke and is in the hospital. Alvin and Lyle have not spoken for 20 years and Alvin decides it is time to reconcile with his brother before it is too late. Because he does not have a driver’s license due to his eyesight problems, Alvin drives a 30-year-old riding mower 240 miles from Laurens, Iowa to Mount Zion, Wisconsin in order to see his brother. The trip takes six weeks, and the story is about the people he met along the way to reconciliation.

I have had to reconcile with a few people along the journey of my life. I have also been occasionally instrumental in helping mutual friends to reconcile with one another. Below is Rick Warren’s study #20 on restoring broken friendships.

(#20 Purpose-Driven Life)
RESTORING BROKEN FELLOWSHIP – PDL

“God has restored our relationship with him through Christ and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships.” 2 Cor. 5:18.

Relationships are always worth restoring.

Because life is all about learning how to love, God wants us to value relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict. In fact, the Bible tells us that God has given us the ministry of restoring relationships.

Jesus said, “blessed are the peacemakers.” (Matt. 5:9) Another translation says, “blessed are those who work for peace” – those who actively seek to resolve conflict.

HOW TO RESTORE A RELATIONSHIP

Talk to God before talking to the person. The Apostle James said that fights and quarrels often resulted from the lack of vertical prayer (James 4:1-2). Instead of looking to others to make us happy and getting angry when they let us down, God wants us to look to him first.

Always take the initiative: Jesus said Matt. 5:23 that if we come to worship and realize that we have offended someone, we should leave our gift at the altar and first go and be reconciled.

Sympathize with their feelings: use your ears more than your mouth. Before you can resolve a conflict you must first listen to the other persons feelings. Feeling are not always true or logically but should be affirmed nonetheless.

Confess your part in the conflict: If you are serious about restoring a relationship you must be willing to admit your own mistakes. Jesus shares this principle of first removing the two-by-four in your eye, so that you can clearly see to remove the splinter from your friend’s eye (Matt. 7:5).

Attack the problem, not the person: you cannot fix the problem if you are consumed with fixing the blame. The Bible says that “A gentle response defuse anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire” (Proverbs 15:1). St. Paul sums it up: “Do not use hurtful words, but only helpful words…” (Ephesians 4:29).

Cooperate as much as possible: St. Paul also said, “Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody” (Rom 12:18).

Emphasize reconciliation not resolution: reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. We can reestablish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences.

Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.

Verse to remember: Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody. Romans 12:18.

Question to consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with?