Friends For The Journey

2CO 12:10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

When I was growing up, my dad would never let us say we were sick. His philosophy was that we were going to feel bad either way so we may as well do something productive with the time. His words formed a strength in me that has served me well throughout my life, but especially over the last 3 ½ years. Anyone who has dealt with cancer knows how difficult it is, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually. God’s grace has sustained me, carried me through spiritually and my faith has remained strong, but since Thanksgiving I have been sick with one illness or another because my immune system has not been able to fight them off. Finally, since chemo last week, about all I have been able to do is lay in bed and sleep. I found myself unable to will my body to get up and go…yet my mind battled this weakness.

Yesterday, when I went in for my blood work, I could barely get one foot in front of the other because of fatigue. I knew my red cell count was down (anemic) which meant my cells were not getting enough oxygen. I was anticipating getting a shot that would boost that count, but after the nurse checked my vital signs, she said, “Okay, see you next week!” “Isn’t there anything I can do to get rid of this awful fatigue?” I asked, but according to my insurance the count had to be below 10.0 and mine was exactly 10.0. I fought back tears as I gathered my things and stumbled out. When I got home I burst into tears and told Joseph I couldn’t do it anymore. He held me as I cried out my anger and weariness at being sick all of the time. Emotionally I had hit the wall. I cried out to God for His mercy and grace to continue.

Today is a new day and I am feeling better (it is 8 days since chemo). The terrible fatigue is letting up and as Joseph puts it…I am getting my smile back.

I find it interesting that at the moment I come to the end of my own strength and cry out, a new strength takes over. It is hard for me to be vulnerable and say I am weak, that there are times I want to just give up, but when I hit those times and cry out for help I know it is God’s strength that carries me, not my own. He is a resource we can always depend on.

The results of the latest scans and tests have come back good and the oncologist is pleased with how I am doing. I continue to be grateful for each new day and thank God for your continued prayers. So, when you think of me, remember…don’t be afraid to admit weakness, for when we are weak in our own strength, then we are truly strong.

Blessings,
Debbie